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The NBA's Best Fans

Everybody see the Gilbertology article in the Post?

It says Gilbert Arenas wears size 13 shoes on his size 14 1/2 feet because he's don't like his dogs to look too large!!! "Give me Chiwawa, no Doberman!!!" He also eats at Boston Market before every game (who doesn't?), parks his ride in the same spot ("Reserved For Mr. Pollin"), and listens to the same jams in the same order (all downloaded from God's Mixtape!!! "Is it in you? Is it in you? Is it in you?") But the best of all is that Gilbert tickles Antawn Jamison's armpit before the tip-off!!! And Antawn just accepts it with a smile on his face and a certain tingle elsewhere!!!!!!!!!!!

An article like this put us in a reflective, drinking, collie weed mood, thinking about how the get ready for a game. It's so symbiotic to what Gilbert does!!! What does symbiotic mean!!!! So we surveyed the staff of .com to see how they get ready for games and incites!!!

-Intern Ken Beatrice says, "I wear size Large gameworn shorts from Ledell Eackles on my size Medium body, which might seem odd because, hey, wouldn't they just fall down around my ankles? So, true! That's why I wear them around my neck, in honor of Ledell's deformity of not having a stalk leading up to his bean. Plus, deep inhalations thru a pair of neckstrapped unwashed gameworns puts me in a TRUE gamestate of mind."


-Intern Jarkko Ruutu says, "In Finland I eat fish before games. In U.S., I eat fish, too, but more slower."

WOW, Jarkko! Now we know why we haven't heard from you in a while!

-Intern August Strindberg says, "I, too, park my horse in the owner's spot---that is, the spot of despicable life, of indecision, of useless choice. There are no yellow lines to guide this broken mare. There is no pylon to tell one that you are too close to the fyre, too close to the precipice, too close to the end---which is nie, so why worry about the orange cone? Live your bleak life with the taste of absinthe and poetry in your mouth and the superficial feel of a Serbian whore at your waist. Anyway, that's how I park my Volkswagen."

-Intern Darvin Ham says, "I listen to the same jam over and over and over before games: Nils Lofgren's 'Bullet's Fever'---second version only!!!---and Susan O'Malley's 'Shoot Shoot Slam Slam, That's the Reason I'm a Bullets Fan!' aka 'You Da Man!', which she later retitled 'I'm a Man' and sang at corporate events after she grew a beard."

-Intern Dana von Postgame Call-In Show Girl says, "I tickle Ken's taint before games. Gilbert should flicker his fingers under Tawn Tawn's tawn tawn!"

OK, everybody!!! It's gametime!! Tickle your taint and eat some chicken!! GAME ON!