Former Bullet and current Whey-Face

At partys when he's feeling bold, Phil Chenier calls Australia "The Floating Turd" totally UNTRUE mulch eyes!

I drank wine out of a box, and I rode a tram, and I saw TAP DOGS three times!!!

Tap Dogs was everything I dreamed it would be: athletic, and honest and funny and handsome and it said some important things that don't get said enough in these times, and those things were said by men dancing in work boots. The best way!!!

"Australian for Beckett!!!" (tm) Haha

They have the most amazing wildlife downunder, like wallabys, and the "platypus" and also the echidna: its like a cousin of the porcupine so you dont want to kiss this cousin!!!! Former Bullet Hubert Davis couldnt even kiss the Echidna if he wanted to. Thanks to the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, Huberts cousin kissing days are over!!!!

Another awesome species I met were BOGANS!!!!!

Bogans are the neo-rural moderns of Australia. Some ways you can identify bogans include wearing singlets, driving BMX bikes and Toranas (a car!), drinking beer on trains and wearing form-fitted acid wash jeans. And the form that they fit is scrawny, fidgets and is always moving! They are like Canadian hockey fans but less fashionable. They also have "mullet" hair and droll personalities, and also they have a powerful and unrecognized ennui. (Can you have angry ennui?!?!?!?)

The charming indigenous creatures will have you yelling "CROCODILE BON JOVI!!!!"

Australia also has Andrew Gaze!!! Former Bullet and current Whey-Face!!!

Andrew is the Australian Michael Jordan except without the talent and bitter narcissism. (He does openly sleep with white women though!)

Andrew Gaze was part of the "10 DAY GENERATION".

Thats the big neglected family of ballers who played for the Bullets on 10-day contracts during the 90s.

In many ways, Australia is like a nation on 10-Day contractors playing for Team England!!!!

Anyway, Andrew Gaze was too short for an NBA forward and too slow for a guard. He is also too slow to run from bogans which is why he mostly stays in the city.

TAKE THE ANDREW GAZE QUIZ!!!!

ANdrew Gaze's Internet Website!!!

Now for some INCITES and hotLINKZZ

The wiz have been slipping recently, but like Gilbert Arenas when hes bricks a few threepees then steps up and drills one from 40 feet, the wiz are "Bipolar" and im not talking about Dana's camera phone at the Kwame Brown and Brendan Haywood meet-and-greet!!!!! what am I saying, Oh yeah, so the wiz have unmolested confidence and also madness enough to stay out of a slump for too long. Plus with Kwame Brown back the press photographers have to apply a special handsomeness-lens on their cameras.!!!

Kwames going to rack up more double doubles than Noah! !!!

(Even though this IS a contract year and kwame knows more than anybody that contract years are a time for relaxing and enjoying your life because who knows where youll be next year??!! )

Last week a kid in the MCI center had a sign saying "Its my birthday Gilbert can I have your shirt" and Gilbert gave it to him.

Hey, so does "Y Fronts" have a hyphen??

Catch your breath quote From the Post last week:

With Hughes back, the Wizards are hopeful that they will at least have that swagger again.

"It's a confidence that I've grown up with, as far as knowing that everybody puts their pants on the same way," Hughes said.

Every time he put his pants on correctly, Abe Pollin also beams a big smile.

What confidence is to a young man, dignity is to the old!

Also, the Charlotte Bobcats signed guard Cory Alexander. Like Courtney Alexander, former Wiz player and MJ protege...

There is no U in "Cory" but there is a U in "MULE".

To make room for Cory the Bobcats waived...

You can move a mountain it seems. Poor Jahidi. This means the Bobcats will have less size coming off the bench and that the team showers will no longer involve the barter system, bloody towels or Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries" on the boombox .

Jahidi had been out with a sore shoulder and he had frustrated team trainers by forgoing traditional treatments of massage and strengh training and instead opting for rubbing liberal amounts of Ghee on his bad wing. Jahidi reacted the way he often does in stress, he beached himself. Scientists insist its a navigartional malfunction but those who know J Chubb best know that its the result of indescribable grief and his very tiny brain.